Merry Christmas in Legalese

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, and gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, age, physical ability, religious faith or lack thereof, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

La cosa por desgracia es intraducible pero por suerte más larga. Cortesía de Albert y dedicado a Alberto, que ayer me hablaba de cómo, en las puertas de su banco en USA, hay una larga explicación en precisamente estos términos sobre por qué los bancos pueden cerrar el día de Navidad sin que sea una ofensa para nadie...