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There can be no other truth to take off from than this: I think, therefore, I exist. There we have the absolute truth of consciousness becoming aware of itself.

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx, from The Book of Insults
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Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
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The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
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This is the first numerical problem I ever did. It demonstrates the
power of computers:

Enter lots of data on calorie & nutritive content of foods. Instruct
the thing to maximize a function describing nutritive content, with a
minimum level of each component, for fixed caloric content. The
results are that one should eat each day:

1/2 chicken
1 egg
1 glass of skim milk
27 heads of lettuce.
-- Rev. Adrian Melott
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*** NEWSFLASH ***
Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!
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This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
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Lockwood's Long Shot:
The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
one in a million, but once would be enough.
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The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him
love and he invented marriage.
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Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
weren't for other people
-- Blore
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