Marzo 11, 2004
Cómo pudiste hacerme ésto a mi
Con tanto curro se me escapó el pasado especial de Nerve, con lo gracioso que estaba y el decálogo de las Diez mejores rupturas del cine. Entre ellas, una que hace años que quiero volver a ver: Escuela de jóvenes asesinos.
Christian Slater y Wynona Ryder van en el coche. En la radio suena “Teenage Suicide” de U2 Big Fun. Christian Slater dispara y la radio salta en pedazos. Tras un breve silencio, Wynona comenta: eso es todo. Hemos roto.
Por algo lo llaman la fábrica de sueños. En el mundo real, sin embargo, las fases de la ruptura son un poco como el chiste de la borrachera: después del coscorrón, hay un momento clave de exaltación de la amistad en que los ex-novios aun son amantes y echan probablemente el segundo mejor polvo de su vida y se desean todo lo mejor. Después viene la vomitona.
A no ser que escapes a la profundidad de la amazonia y lo hagas sin GPS, no hay manera humana de romper con dignidad. El cine, en este caso, no enseña nada bueno; por muicho que lo intentes no hay manera de imitar la ruptura francesa - arrugando ligeramente la sábana con indiferencia- o la técnica algo repetitiva pero efectiva de un James Bond -polvo, chiste ingenioso y gatillo; polvo, chiste ingenioso y cocodrilos, etc. Es una de las cosas que te trae la madurez: la consciencia clara y meridiana de que, hagas lo que hagas, eres un hijo de puta. Y si no, hagan memoria.
Cómo puedes hacerme esto
Tras cuatro meses, seis días o tres lustros de relación, de los cuales los tres últimos han sido un infierno, X le dice a Y que ha conocido a alguien. Por descontado que esa semana no duerme ni dios. Tras los llantos a media noche, las preguntas indiscretas, intentos de suicidio y descalificaciones personales entre las que abunda las acusaciones mutuas de frustración sexual, X le dice a Y que se vaya de casa. Vete con la otra- le dice. -Al fin y al cabo lo estas deseando (en un claro tono de querer decir en lugar de quedarte aquí a arreglar lo que has roto grandísimo hijo de la gran puta). Independientemente de que cualquiera de las dos afirmaciones sean verdad, el pobre Y está evidentemente desconcertado. ¿Debe irse y dejarla sola? ¿Debe quedarse y aguantar el chaparrón? Mientras hace complicados cálculos de estadística tratando de descubrir lo que se espera de él, negras nubes hacen techo sobre su enmarañada cabeza.
Analicemos por Y. Si es una de esas personas que disfrutan pensando en lo cabrones que son y lo mucho que les quiere la que está ahora en la cocina metiendo la cabeza en el horno, se quedará. La situación insostenible que ya hemos descrito unas líneas más arriba se sostendrá durante el tiempo indeterminado entre que se mandan al carajo o deciden tener hijos. Una de esas opciones es peor que la otra. Y, por descontado, la más popular.
Si Y tiene los cojones de salir por esa puerta, ya estamos seguros de que es un desgraciado sin entrañas que no merece perdón de dios. Lo que merece, y es un hecho empírico, es una telaraña de llamadas intempestivas a la casa y al trabajo con voz profunda y cavernosa. Sabemos que X llamará un número imposible de veces al día y que le colgará una de cada dos jurando que no quiere volver a saber de él. Y que, por supuesto, Y volverá a llamar (más le vale, más te vale) y la última conversación terminará entre hipos e insultos requiriendo su presencia en el apartamento del que ha sido exiliado.
Encuentros en la tercera fase
Si Y es un chico listo o una chica avispada, por descontado que no irá (porque prefiere irse de compras con la otra y porque, después de todo, ya es un desgraciado sin entrañas que no merece perdón de dios). En caso contrario pasará una noche de cada dos limpiándo mocos con la mano derecha y esquivando sopapos con la izquierda y repitiendo con escabroso y monótono detalle su primer encuentro con el otro/la otra para acabar jurando que lo hizo por joder -no a la nueva o al nuevo sino a la ex. Mocos, mocos y más explosiones controladas de emotividad.
Y, si han llegado a este punto, casi es mejor que vuelvan porque "la otra" o "el otro" se pasan tres semanas guardando la cama caliente para el merluzo de su nuevo ligue pero a la cuarta les digo yo que todas cenamos caliente. Faltaría.
Eso sí, Y seguirá siendo un un desgraciado sin entrañas que no merece perdón de dios hasta que X conozca a otra persona y la misma situación se vuelva a repetir, pero al revés.
Marta Peirano en Reflexionesqué gran descripción
risa histérica me ha entrado..
Puesto por Hula Hope a las Marzo 13, 2004 01:36 PMSólo un apunte off-topic: U2 nunca ha escrito ni versionado (que yo sepa, y estoy convencido de que no lo han hecho) ninguna canción llamada "Teenage suicide".
Puesto por Lipgloss a las Marzo 16, 2004 06:23 PMtienen ustedesrazón (pero por dios no se me acostumbren). Me manda Victor un bonito enlace de Trivial que despeja la cuestión:
http://briansworld.fcac.org/quizzes/heathers/heathers16.html
Y añade: "Creo que la canción que "Nerve" atribuye a U2 es de Big Fun y se llama
"Teenage suicide (don´t do it)".
ahí está. Borricaaaa (yo)
Puesto por marta a las Marzo 17, 2004 06:42 PMsea como sea Heathers es una gran, gran película
Puesto por Hula Hope a las Marzo 17, 2004 10:27 PMGood stuff! Keep it up! See you!:-)
Keep up this great resource.
There can be no other truth to take off from than this: I think, therefore, I exist. There we have the absolute truth of consciousness becoming aware of itself.
Puesto por online poker a las Octubre 24, 2004 08:05 AMMetaphysics is the finding of bad reasons for what we believe upon instinct, but to find these reasons is no less an instinct.
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